More stuff that makes me mad about the way humanity treats women

From oystermag.com:

Petra Collins on censorship and the female body

Petra Collins is an artist. She photographs, contributes to things, and curates — and in doing so, dissects girl culture. Her recent creation for American Apparel's online store; a tee with an illustration of a bleeding vagina, being touched, sparked interest online but ultimately wasn't allowed on TV. Likewise, her Instagram (with 25k followers) was just deleted. Here, she tells Oyster the story and why it pisses her off.

http://oystermag.com/petra-collins-on-censorship-and-the-female-body

Below is one of several paragraphs included in the article at the above link. You should go read the rest :) Sorry, no comments allowed because I'm using iOS, and Blogger doesn't support it, so no edits to silly default settings.

I'm used to seeing cover after cover featuring stories about a popular celebrity being fat-shamed during pregnancy. I'm used to seeing reviews of an award show performance that critiques a female singer for being "slutty" but then fails to even mention the older male behind her. I'm used to reading articles about whole towns harassing a rape victim until she's forced to leave. I don't want to be used to this. I don't want to have to see the same thing constantly. I don't want to be desensitized to what's happening around me all.the.time. I consider myself endlessly lucky to have access to the Internet and technology. Through it I've found myself and have been able to join a new discourse of females young and old who strive to change the way we look and treat ourselves. I know having a social media profile removed is a 21st century privileged problem - but it is the way a lot of us live. These profiles mimic our physical selves and a lot of the time are even more important. They are ways to connect with an audience, to start discussion, and to create change. Through this removal I really felt how strong of a distrust and hate we have towards female bodies. The deletion of my account felt like a physical act, like the public coming at me with a razor, sticking their finger down my throat, forcing me to cover up, forcing me to succumb to societies image of beauty. That these very real pressures we face everyday can turn into literal censorship. 

on a hyper-sexualized culture and how it hurts teenagers

I am sitting in my children's closet as I type this, because we are down to one fully functioning computer in this house, and they have taken it over :)

Today is a rainy fall day, and I feel sad.

I lost a close colleague to a sudden stroke almost exactly a year ago, and I know that is part of why I feel sad. In the last almost 3 years, I have lost many significant people in my life, including 3 deaths in 3 months at the beginning of 2011. So there is an accumulation of sadness from that, as well. However, I know this sadness is more than that. I am sad about the way women are still treated in our society, in general, and in specific, I am sad about the deaths of several teenage girls that could have been preventable.

I am talking about Amanda Todd, Retaeh Parsons, and now Adriana Falcon.

When you read about these three girls who have died in the last 12 months in Canada, you read about different concerns. For Amanda, it is cyber-bullying. For Retaeh, it is mental health treatment and suicide. For Adriana, it is substance misuse and mandated treatment. But at the core of all three stories is the sexualization and sexual assault of girls. Retaeh and Adriana were raped. Amanda was sexually exploited. Adriana and Amanda were 13 at the time of these assaults.

Shortly after Amanda's death, I saw a CBC documentary, Sext up KIDS, which explores how growing up in a hyper-sexualized culture hurts our kids. Kids have to navigate puberty in a world where the line between pop culture and porn culture is increasingly blurred. Think about Miley Cyrus and the VMA's. How are kids supposed to cope with this pressure?

The answer is that some of them aren't coping. Amanda and Retaeh's deaths were deemed suicides. Adriana's was deemed a drug overdose, but... wouldn't heroin use at such a young age be indicative of not wanting to cope with reality? is suicide not an escape from reality?

As a mother,  I am horrified for the parents of these three girls, that they weren't able to intervene, that our society wasn't able to support these families and these girls, such that they were able to heal and go forward to live full, healthy productive lives.

As a Social Worker, a professional committed to social justice, especially for marginalized groups of people and for people who aren't cognitively or emotionally capable of informed consent, I am frustrated with our governments' lack of commitment to social spending over the last 30 years, since Reaganism and Thacherism.

As a feminist, I am so sick and tired of STILL having to protest this shit. Women's bodies are STILL not autonomous, and privileged males seem to still think they have a right to them. I'm thinking now of a fantastic article about rape chants at universities and the Person's Case (where, in 1929, women in Canada were finally recognized as people before the law).

As a Child Protection worker for the BC Public Service, I am frustrated that I can't give these families access to more and more resources, such that Amanda and Adriana, both BC girls, could have accessed the help they so desperately needed.

As the mother of two young boys, I feel it is my responsibility to ensure my sons grow up to be respectful of the rights of all marginalized groups, to understand their privilege in this world as white men, to call out oppressive comments when they hear them. This great article, An Open Letter to Bros, sums it up nicely.

In writing about this larger issue I start to feel a shift, from sadness to anger. Sometimes, this is a good thing for people, because it spurs them to action. Sometimes, anger slips into frustration and inaction. Today, I am choosing to sit with my sadness, to keep my heart open and vulnerable, because today is not a day for action.

Namaste.



P.S.: I urge anyone with a vested interest in youth mental health services in BC to check out this April 2013 report by the Representative for Children and Youth's office: Still Waiting. The following is a brief excerpt from the press release:

"Youth struggling with mental health problems and the people who care for them told us loud and clear that finding help can be a confusing and traumatic experience that often ends in a revolving door through the hospital Emergency Room," said Representative Mary Ellen Turpel-Lafond. "Doctors and other professionals who participated in this review depicted an inefficient system marked by silos and a lack of communication and co-ordination.

Testing 1 2 3...

I don't know if this link will work. Lets try:

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6FeBLnbOIzCOXYId3VUXa2pqxdRpkn8_QW5Yx25-j1hZLZr_QJuqHOvV9oovsn8Ew3beQsyf-8dJGLMNl_CIiAjpYx_QWdKgD6TjXJxcsJE2rFWJhHXejvVnqg8FRWaOeCii0EURJ6KE/s1600/includingyou.jpg

I think it is not working. Sad face.

September 27, 2013: Updated to insert image :)

New Deputy Minister

Oh joy, MCFD has a new Deputy Minister - Steven Brown is back to the Ministry of Health.  At least the Minister hasn't changed, we've still got Stephanie Cadeaux. Not that I know anything about Cadeaux, I'm just glad there isn't more change. Change takes energy and time ;)

It's all about "delivering efficient and effective services". That, and the Early Years Strategy, to make ECE programs more affordable. 

I say, less barriers to child care subsidy! Lower the income threshold! But who cares what I think? I just put myself through university as a mature student with children in daycare. What would I know about these big decisions?

June update

This is my first attempt at blogging from my new, fancy-pants iPhone. I have gone app crazy, exploring the world of digital reading and podcasts and apps for TED talks and Netflix and Pinterest, even a fancy grocery store app that synchs with my husband's grocery store app on his new, fancy-pants iPhone!

I've even found a couple of apps that help me monitor my self care and my health. I am being reminded to drink more water, to eat healthier and to move and stretch more frequently. I am struggling through, day by day, creating a routine of self care and positive thinking.

Still, I am struggling with my work. I had a very hard week recently, and we are short staffed for the rest of the month, with one worker in training and another on vacation. I have a few paperwork deadlines I am struggling to meet - I keep promising a completion date, and then I keep coming up against urgent but unanticipated work that ends up taking precedence. Regardless, I am doing what I need to do to take care of myself, including asking for support from my boss. 

I am also struggling in my communication with my husband, but that is nothing new! We just communicate so differently, it is amazing to me! I'm really not sure if that will ever get easier. I am working on my own approach to our communication - I am trying to be softer, and to speak with a gentler tone. This is due to the latest addition to my "blog roll", The Orange Rhino, a blog about one stay at home mom's year-long commitment to NOT YELL at her kids. For. One. Year. Straight! (Oh! I cannot see how to add a hyper link to the blog title in this interface... So no links from the iPhone app!)  The Orange Rhino amazes and inspires me. 

I'm not quite ready to tackle no more yelling, although I'm extremely committed to parenting without shame, blame or guilt. Regardless, I love reading this mom's struggles and the grace she receives as a result of being in the moment of her struggles. It is so refreshingly honest, and thus vulnerable and moving :)

I am also lately re-inspired by Unschooling and wish so much that I could be more active in my boys' education. Ah, to be self-employed, to work from home, to just have the time to be there with the boys as they learn! Would that not be the best of all possible worlds?! :) 

Forty-Eight Percent

I am disappointed in tonight's' election results. I had hoped that the Liberals would not get a majority, I had hoped for a stronger showing by the NDP. I was pleased that the Green party won a seat, but appalled at the low voter turnout of 48%.

Forty-eight percent. Something's clearly not working here.

I took an introductory political science class in 2008 while applying for my BSW program. I wrote my final paper comparing electoral systems that elect minority governments. What I remember from my conclusions was that coalition governments do work; political parties do cooperate when populations continue to elect minority governments. These coalition governments had to compromise on policy matters, responding to a wider percentage of the population of the particular countries studied.

I don't recall if there was also a positive impact on the popular vote. I think our first past the post system is a dismal reflection of the percentage of the population that makes up the "popular" vote. I think the Green party's election to a seat in the last federal election and now in the provincial election, both historic firsts, is a triumph over this dismal conundrum.

Forty-eight percent.

Something's clearly not working. Is it apathy? I don't know, but I'm interested in finding out more about what people who don't vote think. Why don't they vote? What might make a difference? How does the political system need to change to include them?

I think of countries around the globe today, countries with unequal access to the right to vote. I think of our very recent suffragette history, of the bloody American Civil Rights movement. I think of Paolo Freire's Pedagogy of the Oppressed, and I have to reject apathy, perhaps in favour of overwhelm? Who knows. It 's something to focus on other than my anger and frustration.

my favorite coping strategies

... include watching several selected television programs, mostly on Netflix. Right now it is Mad Men and Kids in the Hall ("I'm crushing your head!"). Earlier it was Dexter and Breaking Bad.

I love to read, mostly novels (it's about the escapism, of course), but also non-fiction, in the form of parenting books, cook books, books on social justice and environmentalism and mental health. I explore the internet, mostly facebook, but also the Oatmeal.

I'm loving everything to do with shame researcher Brene Brown these days, including her new book, Daring Greatly, her blog, the TED talk, and Oprah (part 1 and 2).

I go for walks. I am so happy it is spring. I used to garden (but now I'm in an apartment, so I have a window box). In the winter, I take a lot of baths.

I sit with my children and I am interested in what they are doing. Even if it is mine craft and video games and fart jokes. They are a delight and I am so grateful, even when they are cheeky (my stepson is quite funny, how can one get mad?) or sulky (my son reminds me, painfully, of myself at that hormonal age. How can one not become disregulated?!)

I try to laugh. I talk to my friends. I stay up too late, numbing my feelings of anxiety with tv and internet and chocolate and chips. I volunteer, at the crisis line and with a youth organization. I visit my parents.

I suffer from seasonal depressive symptoms, but not to the point that I've ever sought a diagnosis. I manage. It's hard, though, and I fight with my husband and I feel despair.

I am trying to learn to practice gratitude and love and hope. I am learning that these are not feelings, they are more than that. They are daily investments of intention.

I breathe with utmost attention and care. Deep, cleansing breaths. Yoga breaths.

I meditate.

Why child protection? (a two part post)

I read Ron Unruh's blog, GPS, a lot. Ron has taken on an advocacy role for two different families who have been involved with the Ministry of Children and Family Development, two families whose children were removed from their parent's care. Ron believes both these removals were unjustified. Ron's writing and criticism has always seemed very balanced to me. However, many of the community of commenters has been extremely negative about MCFD, often vilifying social workers, calling them evil, or monsters. Some feel that ALL child protection involvement is unwarranted.

I first discovered Ron's blog while completing the last academic semester of my Bachelor of Social Work. I had chosen a child protection specialization, rather than the generalist option. This meant that my last semester would be spend in a practicum with MCFD, vs. a practicum in a hospital setting, or with an advocacy group. At the time, I had very little direct knowledge about the work MCFD did with families, and I was horrified to read the comments on his posts. I agreed that child protection workers seemed to have too much authority over parents and children.

I began reading and commenting; many posts were by or about Ray Ferris, who was also an advocate for the family that Ron was writing about at that time. Ray resides in Victoria, and was a social worker in BC for many years. Ray also wrote a book about child protection, which I now own. Ray visited his family over Christmas, and invited me to meet him. Through my correspondence with Ray, I regained my confidence in my career choice as something that was both necessary and often in childrens' best interests. I again felt that this could be a meaningful job.

I did my 4 month practicum, applied for a job, and was hired to work on the same team. I did 3 weeks of training at the Justice Institute, and was given a caseload and 'partial delegation'. This means I had the authority to operate under certain sections of the Child, Family and Community Services Act (CFCSA), but I required the supervision of an experienced, 'fully delegated' social worker to conduct investigations of child protection concerns (as defined by section 13 of the CFCSA), to remove a child from his/her parent(s) care, or to apply for a supervision order without removal. It took me a year to become a fully delegated child protection worker. The longer I worked for MCFD, and the longer I operated under the CFCSA in Family Court, the more I realized how little authority I really have over children and families. The child protection concerns listed in S.13 are actually very narrow, when we compare them to the conditions for optimal child development.

For example, lack of school attendance is not a child protection concern, but schools make reports about this concern ongoingly. The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child states children have the right to go to school, but school attendance is an issue of the School Act, although it is very vaguely worded, and there is no longer truancy enforcement in BC. When I get reports like this, my role is to contact the child's guardian and offer support services. This is not compulsory, and the family is free to tell me "no thank you."

Another example is "emotional abuse". Although this IS a S.13 concern, child protection social workers almost never use this in court. This is because the courts' operational definition of emotional abuse requires a clinician to corroborate that there is a mental heath condition that is due to mom or dad's parenting. Child protection workers just don't have the qualifications to make that determination - we cannot diagnose a child as having an anxiety disorder, etc.

It's not good to yell at your kids all the time (although sometimes it IS good, according to the parenting book I'm currently reading). This, however, is not a child protection concern.

Poverty is also not a child protection concern - if a family doesn't have enough food or is homeless (either couch surfing or living in a shelter), I'm not going to go and remove those kids, it's not justified unless I also have the authority to provide the family with the financial means to address the concerns. One time, I was planning a gradual return of children to their parents' care. The foster parent was horrified that the family didn't have beds for the kids to sleep in during the visits. I asked my boss if this was required before I could authorize more overnight visits. She informed me that MCFD was not the "poverty police," and she could approve a return even if they were sleeping on the floor. So we creatively problem-solved to find community resources to help the family get what they needed, furniture-wise.

Without clear child protection concerns, social workers like me do not have the authority to insist a parent accept our interventions. However, our voluntary services also leave a lot to be desired. Most services have been farmed out to community services agencies for decades. If a parent wants to voluntarily place a child in Ministry care, there are many hoops to jump through, including first exhausting community resources and then exploring maintenance agreements.

Parenting programs also leave a lot to be desired. A friend of mine from university went on to complete her Master of Social Work; her major paper was an evaluation of various parenting programs available in North America and her conclusion was that the options were grim.

In considering all of the above, the title question is an ongoing issue for me. Why do I continue to choose this career? The immediate (flip) response is the pension, the Union, the benefits (I LOVE my flex days), the option of financial support to complete a Masters' degree. However, there are other great jobs out there for social workers that provide direct client contact as a voluntary service (clients aren't forced to accept services). My sister works for Covenant House, and keeps trying to get me to submit a resume; she says their benefits are just as great as working for the Public Service Agency.

There is something about this work that continues to inspire me, and keeps me from quitting, despite the workload, the angry clients, the long waitlists for services. One supervisor I know has likened working for the government to an abusive relationship; we feel mistreated, but we keep coming back for more. Why is this? What are we getting out of this job? Is there something more than the financial rewards (I certainly don't make as much money as I thought I would!) and the benefits?

The short answer is yes. There is more to child protection than a good job, a government job, a union job. This job is meaningful to me; it satisfies my desire to work for social justice.

The long answer will come later :)

from PostSecret

The following picture, which made me laugh out loud when I saw it, is from the PostSecret Community's blog, Sunday Secrets.

PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard.

 

Frank Warren is the artist behind the project, and shares the backstory here. PostSecret contributes to 1-800-SUICIDE.

 

PostSecret is amazing and beautiful and vulnerably heartbreaking, both in the sadness people express, and in the support people are moved to provide.

 

Check out Sunday Secrets today!

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

Changes are rapidly being planned and implemented at work.

Circle 5, Aboriginal Services for the Delta/Surrey area, is doing a bit of a shuffle. Four of 7 teams are being re-figured to a new model of practice, with an expanded role for Guardianship workers, who will be involved with children at an earlier stage than in previous models of practice.

I'm excited for the change; not only do I feel it will better serve kids, but I feel it will better support Family Development Response and Family Services staff. It's different than the past, integrated model, where workers did everything from Intake to Family Services and TCO's to Guardianship and CCO's. Senior workers who have done this role have been pretty clear that didn't work (such as Tracy Young at Advocacy BC).

I'm also nervous, because change, whether interpreted as "good" or "bad", is always stressful.

I have no idea if I'll continue working with my current supervisor when the changes are implemented. I like the other 3 supervisors, but I really LIKE my boss. I trust her decision making - it's not fear-based, she trusts mine and she's taken the time to learn how to support my needs for clinical supervision. I know one of the other supervisors fairly well, and I think the same relationship would be easy to develop. I also anticipate there would be a similarity with the other two Team Leaders I don't know, but still, it's CHANGE.

I think some workers are quite happy for the opportunity to do something new. A few of my close colleagues have been doing the same work for 6 to 9 years, and are TIRED of the client group or worker role they've been doing for so long. I hope management can satisfy as many workers as possible, because I think that would bring in some excitement, a sense of freshness.

Overall, I'm aware of the extra stress, especially as I try to catch up with my documentation in preparation for the eventual shift in workers, teams and caseloads.

And I'm still building the important community relationships that keep me inspired to continue working for government. For example, today I met with a First Nations Policing Liaison officer. The work he does in the community, the thorough knowledge he has of Aboriginal social and political justice issues, the passionate way he speaks, inspired and renewed my sense of purpose in my career as an advocate for social justice, not just as a child protection worker. It's these kinds of supportive professional relationships that keep me going through the changes.

3 mental health tips for kids

Just over month ago, my 5th grader made a suicidal comment in class. His teacher, kudos to her, took it seriously and had him speak with the childcare worker and the counsellor (who is only available once every other week). They both determined that he was low risk and talked about areas of his life that maybe weren't working as well as he'd like them to.

One of these areas was spending time with me - he'd like more :) I found this interesting, because every other weekend, my husband works and my stepson stays with his mom, so it's just the two of us. Thus, even though we regularly have time alone at home together, perhaps it's not quality time.

We have thus started having "dates" on our weekends together, started consciously choosing activities for both of us to enjoy.

Another contributing factor is the constant change and resulting stress in our lives. The kids changed schools this past September, and thus also changed daycares. We moved last spring. I graduated university the spring prior, and began working an exceedingly stressful job. 5 people in our lives have passed away in the last 2 years.

Also, kids just live busier, more stressful lives than did kids of my generation. The shift in the sheer amount of consumable media over the last two generations alone (from my parents' childhoods in the 60's to mine in the 80's to now) is anxiety-inducing.

My son has also joined Cub Scouts, which, to me, is about developing autonomy and mastery.

Finally, we have begun working on mindfulness-based stress-reduction practices such as breathing exercises and progressive muscle relaxation.

I found a great book at the public library that includes easy exercises for kids. The techniques in the book are so familiar to me, and remind me of the way my dad taught me to meditate and practice yoga as a child.

The connection to meditation and happiness is being proven in neuroscience research. In fact, an article a friend sent me recently showed that meditation "completely changes your brain and therefore changes what you are". The research "showed excessive activity in [the]...left prefrontal cortex...likely indicating a greater capacity for happiness and decreased tendency toward negativity".

I'm also finding a benefit to teaching and modelling these mindfulness and meditation techniques. I'm a little bit calmer, a little less reactive, a little more tolerant of hijinks.

But the most wonderful benefit has been seeing my son grow into these new techniques. Days after teaching him a 3 part breathing technique (breathe in through the nose for a count from 5 to 20, hold for the same count, breathe out through the mouth for the same count), I got frustrated with both boys and walked out of the room for a mini "mom timeout" (prevents me from yelling). Son followed me, and said, excitedly, "Mom! Remember, when you get frustrated, you're supposed to do your breathing!" I thanked him and asked if he'd remembered this the last time he felt frustrated. He said no, a little sadly, so I encouraged him, telling him how his reminding ME was proving that his brain was learning to remember, and he was making great progress. He was so pleased :)

a rambling update

I've been working on a few posts lately, but seem to lack the focus to follow my line of reasoning to it's eventual, academic conclusion. I am excited by academic ideas, that is ideas from my education, but more specifically, ideas from critical theory, postmodern ideas about the social construction of identity, ideas I don't use every day now that I've completed my university education and have entered the work force as a professional. I want my practice to continue to be guided by these ideals, so I speak about them to other child protection workers with my specific education. We remind each other of how we felt when these ideas were first presented to us; our epiphanies echo in our emotions. I try to articulate these complex thoughts that, a year and a half ago, were the subject of an award-winning essay I wrote for my university. I feel less smart.

But more than just feeling "less smart" than while completing my BSW, I feel ground down, burnt out, exhausted. I feel like an empty well, like I have nothing left to give. So I reach for literature to fill the empty spaces inside me, the spaces that were once filled with passion and a drive for justice.


Recently, I read a novel called Lamb by Christopher More, written at the turn of the millennium. It is the story of Christ, or Joshua, as the narrator calls him, written by Biff, his childhood pal. It is irreverent and funny, but also quite profound to someone who is nominally Christian, but has never practiced or identified with a specific Christian church. Oh, I know most of the stories, I accept Christ as a great spiritual teacher, the champion of compassion, but I cannot identify with the Christianity I see on the television, the Christianity associated with so many conservative Americans, the Christianity that hates.

In Lamb, Biff write about Joshua's life from age 6, through his adolescence and early adulthood, when he and Biff travel in search of the 3 wise men who attended his birth in the manger. Biff and Joshua go to Kabul to meet Balthasar, the Ethiopian wise man who is in search of immortality. From there, they go to China to study with Gaspar in a Buddhist monastery, where Joshua befriends a Yeti. Finally, they follow the Ganges to Tamil, where Joshua studies Vedic meditation and yoga with Gaspar's brother, Melchior, and Biff studies the Kama Sutra with a prostitute. From there, Biff and Joshua return to Nazareth following the death of Joseph, and Joshua begins his ministry.

A friend recommended it to me, and she has indicated that there are priests and pastors who use this book as a teaching tool, to prompt discussion. If I were to be more than nominally Christian, it would be these churches that I would want to attend, to these people I would want to listen. I also think about the Quakers, who do not have priests or pastors, but instead look to their community membership.


I am not sure if there is a connection between these two updates, these two thoughts. I know that I feel trapped by my job, my debt, my family, but I also know there is no place else I really want to be. I know that I find freedom in literature, in the escape from my ordinary, everyday life. My imagination can soar after the mundane chores of existence. I know that I chose my career from a higher sense of purpose, a calling, if you will, a passion for justice, for equality, and end to grasping greed and bullying. Maybe the connection is compassion, the compassion of Christ as seen by his deeply flawed childhood pal, the compassion Christ could have had for him, if he were real. Maybe that is the compassion we are called to have for ourselves, if we are to truly be moral beings. Maybe we all just need to give ourselves a break.

Maybe I just work too hard.

on anxiety, and 'what' about my job is hard

When I run into old friends and tell them about my current job, the reaction is often along the lines of, "that must be a hard job". What they mean by "hard" is that I must encounter situations and people that are abusive, and thus hard to deal with, understand, and respond to in a compassionate way.

I don't find that part hard.

First and foremost, the abuse and neglect with which I come into contact in the course of my daily interactions is probably a lot more minimal than the average person imagines. I've posted before about how I mostly experience poverty, and the long term, even intergenerational impacts that causes on families. But for the most part, the "abuse" I see is self-inflicted, as in parents abuse drugs and alcohol as a coping technique.

Secondly, I am a master at considering multiple hypotheses for any child protection report. I can see so many different possible explanations, or alternative situations that might fit the fact pattern, should the information turn out to be distorted. I can thus discard those other possibilities once I've been able to talk with everyone involved.

Third, I can empathise with people. Compassion comes naturally to me.

In fact, the other day I had to tell a man about his own history of harming his child. He was in a car accident and sustained a traumatic brain injury, and he did not recall his past. When I disclosed this information to him, he was horrified, and called himself a monster. I suggested that a monster would not feel remorse, and that he was demonstrating his humanity with that statement. We debriefed for awhile and talked about counselling options, current coping strategies for stress, frustration and anger, and community supports. We talked about healing. We talked about residential schools and how that has devastated Aboriginal families, including his. We talked about how his brain injury is a relief in that he doesn't remember abusing his child, nor does he remember the abuse he suffered as a child.

That was not hard for me. I was inspired by that conversation, about the possibilities for healing, not just for that man, but for Aboriginal men in general. I was inspired by his connection to Elders he honours within his community and by his transformation of his own anger.

So the awful things people do to themselves and one another are not hard for me. What's hard is trying to cope with not having enough time to respond to everyone. I can't be compassionate if I don't have the time to connect with all of my clients. Things get put off for more immediate concerns every day. I get tired of saying "sorry I haven't called you back yet". I get upset and anxious and I work for free. I spend hours lying in bed, trying to go to sleep, trying to turn my thoughts off.

Creating structure and boundaries around this is hard to do. I am lucky that I have a seasoned team leader who reinforces those boundaries even when the team members are willing to sacrifice them for the sake of the workload and the clients.

After all, I am not a superhero. It is not my job to keep everyone safe, and happy and secure. It is my job to assist families and communities to keep one another safe and happy and secure. It is my job to work myself out of a job, to have clients get to the point where I don't need to be in their lives.

And that is why I do this job. All the stress and anxiety are worth it when kids get to go back to their families (whether that be the parents or a grandparent being granted FRA custody by the courts), when I get to close a case, when moms come into the office to share how well they've been doing since their case closed.

Work-Life balance

The balance between work and life is something that is emphasized in my profession (Social Work), as well as in the other professions that make up my fellow MCFD employees (degrees in Child and Youth Care, Counsellors). Self care is a focus in all 3 education streams, and my co-workers are the healthiest I've ever had (this isn't hard, my only other jobs were minimum wage retail sector jobs). My co-workers practice naturopathic diets, work out at the gym, and take time off for themselves and their families as needed.

Despite my best intentions, and despite my Union-assured flex days (I work an extra 47 minutes on top of my 7 hour day, and thus get a day off with pay every pay period.), I find myself struggling to maintain a quality balance between work and the rest of my life. I often find I need the entire weekend just to decompress, to unwind from my work week.

I've been working on this, of course :)

My "New Years' resolution" was in relation to this balance. I resolved to meditate daily.

That devolved, as resolutions tend to, to 'meditating' only in those moments when I found myself struggling to fall asleep due to worries about my caseload, my clients and their support systems. When I put my book down, turned out my light because I was falling asleep, but then found myself obsessing about the 3 unreturned phone calls, then I would lie, stomach down, in 'corpse pose' and focus on one body part at a time, tensing then relaxing each muscle group, starting with my feet and working my way up to my head. It worked very well in each moment, but certainly wasn't a meditation practice.

I try to focus on my children in the evenings, and I strive to fill each interaction with calm. This is always a challenge, because getting children to complete chores and rushing children out the door in the mornings can be exasperating. However, I have been increasingly successful in the past 13 months at being calm and gracious. That is, I'm less "yelly" than before :)

I try to incorporate time with my husband, my mother, my sisters, my father and his family. I volunteer a LOT, with Job's Daughters from September to June (this is something I do with my Mom), and with the crisis line year round. I find that volunteering, although a work-like commitment, keeps me focused on the types of interactions I love, and keeps me grounded in my work practice.

Still, balance is always a struggle, and I'm learning to recognize that it is a life-long journey.

I have not posted in over a year...

...because I began working for the provincial government. Not once in the 13 months I have been employed, have I been on a team with all positions filled by permanent employees - floats, mat leaves, sick leaves, and just plain old true vacancies not filled. THIS is why my job is hard. Not because of all the "awful" things I see - really, I see poverty and marginalization.

But I love my job, because I love working with people who have university degrees, because I love that people understand the way I think. I love that I'm a unionized worker so much that I'm a shop steward for the BCGEU. I volunteer for committees, like HOYJA, an "aging out" ceremony our Youth Team put on for our youth, celebrated in a traditional longhouse. I'm so happy to have broken free of the "McJob" cycle of meaningless, underpaid work designed to make a rich guy richer.

And I'm taking my kids swimming and camping. It's summer, after all :)

Adbusters #95 May/June 2011 19(3)

I just recently purchased the current issue of Adbusters magazine; it is titled "Post West", and subtitled "the philosophy issue".

I found a fantastically insightful (well, to me, at least) passage by Jacques Waardenberg, from "Reflections on the West" which is a chapter in Islamic Thought in the Twentieth Century:

Today the West stands for a disintegrating society in which egoism and human solitude prevail. It is the land of the loss of mind, where materialism reigns and where people are imprisoned by their desire for goods and money. It is the land of the loss of soul, where a secular way of life dominates, and people drift without deeper norms and higher values. It is the land of the loss of true feelings, where changing appetites are the norm, and people fall victim to desire and lust. It is the land of the loss of human dignity, with a value system based on economics, and where people aggressively exploit each other. Finally, it is the land of metaphysical alienation and loss of God, with man-made idols and people who have no relationship to Being, nature, history and each other. This barbarian West is seen as not only destructive to itself, with violence flaring in bitter economic, social and political conflicts, but also as a real danger for the rest of the world, and especially the Muslim part of it. (emphasis mine)

Another passage, uncredited (and so thus editorial?) is the following:

Instrumental rationality - the calculation of the most efficient options for achieving a given desire - has overwhelmed Western thinking over the past 300 years, generating a cold, empirical, calculating mindset.

The problem lies in the Western process of thinking - how we 'think about thinking'

There are several more excellent passages floating on a sea of disturbing images (e.g. Jessica Simpson peeling off a pair of camouflage shorts to reveal a 'Stars & Stripes' string bikini, with a wad of chewed bubble gum stuck over one eye) which suggest just how insane the Western world has become in the eyes of the rest of the cultures on this planet. I've just barely begun reading the articles, and already I'm both terrified at Western hubris and its inevitable fall, and encouraged by the small acts of resistance to Western hegemony that are reported in the pages of this excellent publication.

I feel vindicated for my (unpopular) interpretation of Western society's celebration of the killing of Osama bin Laden, for my desire for my culture to consider the reaction of other cultures, mostly Muslim peoples, but also other peoples (I'd love to see a sovereignist Indigenous perspective!) before creating YouTube videos such as the one included in my last post.

I love the editorial statement that acknowledges "we are embarking on an era of "contested modernity," one in which Western nations no longer impose their own values on the world at large." I just hope the West wakes up to this fact soon!

on the killing of an Islamist extremist

Why are people so happy about this?!

Or am I the crazy one because I do not believe an eye for an eye is the way to operate in the era of universal human rights? Did we learn nothing from the Holocaust? Are we really content to spread HATE and malice around the world?

I read a fascinating post online through a facebook friend. It was a speech from a fundraising event, spoken by Chris Hedges, who won a Pulitzer Prize for his coverage of al-Quaida for the New York Times. This writer stated he knows al-Quaida intimately, and he is terrified by this organization... even more so now that bin Laden has been killed. Hedges stated bin Laden had absolutely no operational role in al-Quaida, and killing him will not stop this organization.

Yet so many are jubilant. So many feel this is an end to al-Quaida.
---
Also on facebook, I have seen the following posted over and over and over:

"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Thank goodness for compassion!

on the federal election

I am somewhat alarmed for the country with a Stephen Harper conservative majority. Although voting 4 times in 7 years is as frustrating as many journalists have recently suggested, I'd gladly do it every year if it meant avoiding a neo-liberal majority.

I have grave concerns for the environment, especially oil tankers off the BC coast, the AB tar sands, and most importantly, the health of wild BC salmon while farmed salmon remain in our oceans (I have lived very near to these net pens and I have seen the damage they cause first hand).

I am also lead to believe that women's rights and reproductive freedoms may be at risk?! Further, the same sources suggest gay marriage is similarly at risk?! Some sources say Harper won't legislate anything specifically regarding either issue, rather, he will appoint ultra-conservative judges who will attempt to affect these matters. Other concerns include dismantling the CBC, privatized health care or slashing public services to pay for corporate tax cuts.


I also have concerns for the demise of the Liberal and the Bloc Québécois, as suggested by these two articles. Although I am pleased for both the Green party on electing their first MP, and for the NDP on becoming the Official Opposition for the first time, I worry that neither now has any effective power (my sources were the elections coverage last night on CBC, CTV and CHEK).


However, this was the very first time in all my history of voting in both federal and provincial elections that the candidate for whom I voted was first-past-the-post. This will be the first time in my life that I am represented in my riding by a candidate with similar political and social values. So this is a small personal victory, I suppose... I'm just having a hard time celebrating.

on finishing my practicum

Thursday was the last day of my 420 hour final practicum. I have a paper and an exam remaining for my Disability Issues class, and then I can get a letter of completion of BSW requirements from the university, which means I can get a job.

A job!
It's been 3 years since I've worked, and 5 years since I started back to school after becoming a mom. I'm so happy to soon be receiving paycheques!! I can pay bills! I can buy groceries with cash instead of credit! I can work towards becoming financially solvent!

However, I had my interview with MCFD 3 weeks ago, and I have no idea when I will finally hear if I will be hired as an auxiliary. I hope it is in time to receive a paycheque before June's rent is due :S

Sad heart

This has been a hard semester for my family, not just because I am so busy with a 30 hour per week practicum on top of course work. We have had 3 deaths in the family in 3 months.

The first was my mother in law, at the end of January. She had no chronic conditions, so it was rather a shock. However, she was 68 years old, so it didn't seem outside the realm of possibility. Further, she had raised 10 children and had almost 20 grandchildren (including foster and step kids). She had lived a full life.

The second was my husband's foster father, with whom he had lived from the age of 11 until about 16 or 17 (when he moved in with his girlfriend and her family). He was not so old as my mother in law, being in his early 50's, however, he had been very sick as of late. He had been in hospital for an entire year, had had heart surgery, and had lost his lower leg and half his other foot to diabetes. He had been out of the hospital for awhile, and had died of a heart attack at the end of February.

The last was very tragic, and also very recent. My 23 year old cousin was shot by police at the end of March, and it is believed to have been suicide by police. He had tried to o/d in January. I hadn't seen him since my wedding a year and a half ago. My heart aches for his loss.

Further, less than a week before my cousin's death, I was volunteering at the crisis line, and I spent 2+ hours talking to a suicidal young man, who eventually ended the call to kill himself. I had nothing but a phone number from call display, but I felt the risk was immanent, so I called 911 with only that information.

I have been feeling overwhelmed by death and sadness, so I have taken this past week off of practicum. As well, my profs have both very kindly extended all my papers and assignments. I am grateful for their generosity, and that of all the MCFD staff who are supervising my practicum - two different social workers and their Team Leaders, as well as the practicum coordinator.

My sister (slash roommate) has also taken most of this week off, and my husband had already had it scheduled off as vacation time, so as to care for our two boys during spring break (daycare is expensive). It has been nice to be together as a family, and to just relax or to work on our new garden.

My cousin was 12 years younger than me, and his family had lived with my family for a couple of years when he was 3 and 4 years old. He was a very sweet boy who would cuddle with me any time. He loved the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. My mom made him and his brother capes while they lived with us, and the boys loved running around with the capes billowing out behind them. For the last Halloween that they lived with us, they dressed as Super Mario and Superman.

Time has made this loss easier to bear, but the memorial service is still to come. Many people, family and friends, are flying in form across the country to be with my aunt and her husband as we morn for our loss. This will make it fresh again. I ask that your thoughts and prayers are with us in our time of grief.