Monday, August 31, 2009
August is over already?!!
I can hardly believe this looong month has really come and gone so quickly. We have been quite busy preparing for our upcoming nuptials, less than 3 weeks away. As well, my fiance's son has been settling in with us. The boys have bunk beds, and they switch from top to bottom every night :) It is certainly hard to believe school begins again in a week. Back to the routine of early mornings without TV, DS or computer. Back to no peanut butter sandwiches for lunch.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
de garden...
... is coming along nicely. De laundry, not so much :)
I am in the process of a crop rotation. The brassica bed is bolting in this heat, I simply can't keep up with the kale and chard and broccoli it is producing. The spinach and lettuce that were in there have long since gone to seed. Likewise with the peas - we simply planted too many in too small a space, and we can't get to them all, they can't be properly staked, and the few bush beans are being crowded out.
So, the brassicas are being cleared to make way for a few successions of fall carrots and beets (maybe onions and radishes a little later). Some peas have been pulled for now (but not all) to make room for the better-staked varieties and for the beans (pink and edamame), as well as to clear room for fall brassicas (more cabbage and broccoli, as well as cauliflower and maybe Brussels sprouts).
The fall peas may need to wait awhile, as I'd like to put them in the bed that is currently home to cosmos, zinnias, dahlias, asters, nasturtiums and sunflower seedlings, all planted in hopes of mid-September blooms to grace my wedding reception tables. I will start some peas in pots and transplant them into that bed when the flowers have been harvested.
The tomatoes are sort-of doing something. Despite an early start, they weren't doing too well in the bed they were transplanted into. The soil wasn't up to snuff. So we ripped them out, improved the soil, and started again with the other seedlings that hadn't made it into the garden due to space limitations. So we currently have small plants with very few flowers, and even fewer tiny green tomatoes. We are planning to build a 1"x1" frame around them and wrap them in poly for the fall in hopes of getting vine-ripened tomatoes. Usually, we get only green tomatoes, which we ripen on newspaper in the basement.
The squashes, in the new beds, dug out of a shady area of our lawn by an over-zealous house guest, are beginning to take off - they've started to climb in search of sun. First they twined up a dwarf Alberta spruce right beside the bed, and then a ladder left leaning up against the shed beside the spruce. Okay, my sissy actually wound them around the ladder - she likes the way it looks :) We got our first zucchini yesterday - better later than never!
P.S. I think I will add some photos, but a little later, when sissy and her super-cool camera are around - mine takes sucky pictures in comparison.
I am in the process of a crop rotation. The brassica bed is bolting in this heat, I simply can't keep up with the kale and chard and broccoli it is producing. The spinach and lettuce that were in there have long since gone to seed. Likewise with the peas - we simply planted too many in too small a space, and we can't get to them all, they can't be properly staked, and the few bush beans are being crowded out.
So, the brassicas are being cleared to make way for a few successions of fall carrots and beets (maybe onions and radishes a little later). Some peas have been pulled for now (but not all) to make room for the better-staked varieties and for the beans (pink and edamame), as well as to clear room for fall brassicas (more cabbage and broccoli, as well as cauliflower and maybe Brussels sprouts).
The fall peas may need to wait awhile, as I'd like to put them in the bed that is currently home to cosmos, zinnias, dahlias, asters, nasturtiums and sunflower seedlings, all planted in hopes of mid-September blooms to grace my wedding reception tables. I will start some peas in pots and transplant them into that bed when the flowers have been harvested.
The tomatoes are sort-of doing something. Despite an early start, they weren't doing too well in the bed they were transplanted into. The soil wasn't up to snuff. So we ripped them out, improved the soil, and started again with the other seedlings that hadn't made it into the garden due to space limitations. So we currently have small plants with very few flowers, and even fewer tiny green tomatoes. We are planning to build a 1"x1" frame around them and wrap them in poly for the fall in hopes of getting vine-ripened tomatoes. Usually, we get only green tomatoes, which we ripen on newspaper in the basement.
The squashes, in the new beds, dug out of a shady area of our lawn by an over-zealous house guest, are beginning to take off - they've started to climb in search of sun. First they twined up a dwarf Alberta spruce right beside the bed, and then a ladder left leaning up against the shed beside the spruce. Okay, my sissy actually wound them around the ladder - she likes the way it looks :) We got our first zucchini yesterday - better later than never!
P.S. I think I will add some photos, but a little later, when sissy and her super-cool camera are around - mine takes sucky pictures in comparison.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
On taking on loving another child
When I last wrote on this blog, I was concerned about how having my stepson come to live with me might affect my plans for maybe homeschooling my own son. I wrote that his step father ignores him, but his mom was awesome. Because, hey, he's her kid, right?
Turns out, not so right. Mom admits to me she doesn't love her first born the same way she loves her 2 year old with hubby. She hates herself for it, but there it is.
I just don't get it. However, I was not a teenage mom. I never considered adoption at any point, let alone when my baby was a few months old (even though that was his screaming, colicky stage). I WANTED my child. I still do. When I see him sitting on the couch in the living room, staring intently at the TV or his DS, I am overcome with a desire to kiss his cute little chubby cheek over and over again until he pushes me away in annoyance.
My stepson has never had that kind of love from his mama. That breaks my heart.
I am a fierce, warrior-mama, I would walk through fire or throw myself in front of a car to save my child. I completely identified with that woman who leapt between her two year old daughter and a cougar a month or so ago. I think being a mom and raising my kids to be strong adults, full of integrity and compassion is the best, the most important and planet-altering thing I'll ever do, no matter where my career in social justice takes me, no matter how I advocate for children as a social worker and maybe a lawyer, no matter what comes after that.
What it comes down to is that I am experiencing a moral dilemma, a conflict between my personal and my professional values. Personally, I think there must be something wrong with a woman who can look at one child and feel love, and then look at the other and feel nothing. Professionally, the principles of self-determination, autonomy, dignity, respect, and human rights, the worth of ALL persons, are being challenged by her lack of feeling toward my husband's son, toward her own flesh and blood.
But if I am to be a good and loving parent to my stepson, I cannot write her off as somehow broken, insufficient as a mother. My stepson deserves better than that. However, he also deserves his mama's love.
But he has mine, now, and I HAD been worried about when that would come.
Turns out, not so right. Mom admits to me she doesn't love her first born the same way she loves her 2 year old with hubby. She hates herself for it, but there it is.
I just don't get it. However, I was not a teenage mom. I never considered adoption at any point, let alone when my baby was a few months old (even though that was his screaming, colicky stage). I WANTED my child. I still do. When I see him sitting on the couch in the living room, staring intently at the TV or his DS, I am overcome with a desire to kiss his cute little chubby cheek over and over again until he pushes me away in annoyance.
My stepson has never had that kind of love from his mama. That breaks my heart.
I am a fierce, warrior-mama, I would walk through fire or throw myself in front of a car to save my child. I completely identified with that woman who leapt between her two year old daughter and a cougar a month or so ago. I think being a mom and raising my kids to be strong adults, full of integrity and compassion is the best, the most important and planet-altering thing I'll ever do, no matter where my career in social justice takes me, no matter how I advocate for children as a social worker and maybe a lawyer, no matter what comes after that.
What it comes down to is that I am experiencing a moral dilemma, a conflict between my personal and my professional values. Personally, I think there must be something wrong with a woman who can look at one child and feel love, and then look at the other and feel nothing. Professionally, the principles of self-determination, autonomy, dignity, respect, and human rights, the worth of ALL persons, are being challenged by her lack of feeling toward my husband's son, toward her own flesh and blood.
But if I am to be a good and loving parent to my stepson, I cannot write her off as somehow broken, insufficient as a mother. My stepson deserves better than that. However, he also deserves his mama's love.
But he has mine, now, and I HAD been worried about when that would come.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
On taking on another child and homeschooling
As I wrote previously, my stepson, Nathan, wants to come and live with us. He is having a hard time at home with his mom and step-dad. They have a 2 year old son, and a baby girl on the way. Mom's awesome, but, hey, they're all her kids. Step-dad is not so awesome with Nathan. Mom says he ignores Nathan completely, spending all his family time with the 2 year old. Poor mom, over 30 weeks pregnant, thinks her son is getting depressed. He's 6. So once again, the conversation has moved around to Nathan moving from Kelowna to live with us in Surrey.
My concerns this time around are a bit different. I'm not as worried about my (almost) husband pitching in, as he's been making more than a little effort to pull his parenting weight. Plus, he (finally!!) got his learner's license, a small miracle in itself. Of course he won't be able to drive kids places without me for a year, yet, but it's a step in the right direction.
However, as I've also previously written, I want to homeschool my son next year. I'm very nervous about this - can I handle it? Will I be able to get all my own school work accomplished (about 30 hours of studying a week)? 6 year old boys want a lot of attention, which is, of course, normal and good, just maybe crazy-making for the parent who needs large blocks of time to focus on complex theoretical concepts, like what exactly is social justice, and what's the best solution to this ethical dilemma?
The latest news on the homeschooling front is that the 25 hours a week recommended by Surrey Connect and other Distributed Learning (DL) schools may not be so necessary. At a meeting of the Homelearners South of the Fraser (HLSF) that I attended yesterday, I was able to talk with actual moms who share similar child rearing philosophies to mine. Several of them have taken their boys out of elementary school, and haven't looked back since. One mom told me that at the 1st and 2nd grade level, approximately an hour a day would be sufficient. She had 4 boys that she homeschools.
Only one of the moms in attendance that day had worked while also homeschooling, and she has just recently had a new baby, so she is now on Mat leave. She had previously shared the schooling and childcare tasks with her husband, as well as her father, who was on EI for a year. As I was leaving, however, another mom told me they have a woman in the group who was a working single parent who, unfortunately, wasn't there that day. However, this group has a Yahoo group listserve, so maybe there'll be more information gathering opportunities throughout the summer.
The big challenge now, is do I homeschool only my son, sending my step-son to public school? Or can I manage to teach both boys? Currently, Nathan loves school, but he is in Kindergarten, and, according to the homeschooling moms I met yesterday, they all love Kindergarten. Also, what will his mom think? Do I get to make this decision for my step-son? (Really, the idea is that homeschooling is their decision, not mine, and I am being the good mommy who sacrifices her own time to meet their needs/desires. But isn't that what parenting is all about, anyway?)
As well, what DL do I choose? Apparently, a lot of them, like Surrey Connect, require weekly written reports on each student's progress, which some moms really resented. Another grading style is through portfolios, presented 3 times a year, which one mom said was always a horrible, stressful time in her home. Many moms had been registered through SelfDesign in Vancouver, which most really liked, but one didn't at all - her "learning consultant" (the teacher?) always found fault with her weekly written reports - the point of taking her kid out of school in the first place!
Also, the concept of unschooling cropped up in the meeting. The idea of spontaneous, non-coercive learning. It sounds fabulous, as a theory. But the thought of putting that theory into practice scares my institutionalized heart. Am I bad and wrong for not exposing my kids to the world of, "sit up straight in your seat", "stop wiggling, or you'll get a detention!", and "don't speak until you're spoken to, after raising your hand." Seriously. I'm so stifled, I'm afraid to not stifle my kids.
A lot to think about, indeed.
My concerns this time around are a bit different. I'm not as worried about my (almost) husband pitching in, as he's been making more than a little effort to pull his parenting weight. Plus, he (finally!!) got his learner's license, a small miracle in itself. Of course he won't be able to drive kids places without me for a year, yet, but it's a step in the right direction.
However, as I've also previously written, I want to homeschool my son next year. I'm very nervous about this - can I handle it? Will I be able to get all my own school work accomplished (about 30 hours of studying a week)? 6 year old boys want a lot of attention, which is, of course, normal and good, just maybe crazy-making for the parent who needs large blocks of time to focus on complex theoretical concepts, like what exactly is social justice, and what's the best solution to this ethical dilemma?
The latest news on the homeschooling front is that the 25 hours a week recommended by Surrey Connect and other Distributed Learning (DL) schools may not be so necessary. At a meeting of the Homelearners South of the Fraser (HLSF) that I attended yesterday, I was able to talk with actual moms who share similar child rearing philosophies to mine. Several of them have taken their boys out of elementary school, and haven't looked back since. One mom told me that at the 1st and 2nd grade level, approximately an hour a day would be sufficient. She had 4 boys that she homeschools.
Only one of the moms in attendance that day had worked while also homeschooling, and she has just recently had a new baby, so she is now on Mat leave. She had previously shared the schooling and childcare tasks with her husband, as well as her father, who was on EI for a year. As I was leaving, however, another mom told me they have a woman in the group who was a working single parent who, unfortunately, wasn't there that day. However, this group has a Yahoo group listserve, so maybe there'll be more information gathering opportunities throughout the summer.
The big challenge now, is do I homeschool only my son, sending my step-son to public school? Or can I manage to teach both boys? Currently, Nathan loves school, but he is in Kindergarten, and, according to the homeschooling moms I met yesterday, they all love Kindergarten. Also, what will his mom think? Do I get to make this decision for my step-son? (Really, the idea is that homeschooling is their decision, not mine, and I am being the good mommy who sacrifices her own time to meet their needs/desires. But isn't that what parenting is all about, anyway?)
As well, what DL do I choose? Apparently, a lot of them, like Surrey Connect, require weekly written reports on each student's progress, which some moms really resented. Another grading style is through portfolios, presented 3 times a year, which one mom said was always a horrible, stressful time in her home. Many moms had been registered through SelfDesign in Vancouver, which most really liked, but one didn't at all - her "learning consultant" (the teacher?) always found fault with her weekly written reports - the point of taking her kid out of school in the first place!
Also, the concept of unschooling cropped up in the meeting. The idea of spontaneous, non-coercive learning. It sounds fabulous, as a theory. But the thought of putting that theory into practice scares my institutionalized heart. Am I bad and wrong for not exposing my kids to the world of, "sit up straight in your seat", "stop wiggling, or you'll get a detention!", and "don't speak until you're spoken to, after raising your hand." Seriously. I'm so stifled, I'm afraid to not stifle my kids.
A lot to think about, indeed.
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