Just over month ago, my 5th grader made a suicidal comment in class. His teacher, kudos to her, took it seriously and had him speak with the childcare worker and the counsellor (who is only available once every other week). They both determined that he was low risk and talked about areas of his life that maybe weren't working as well as he'd like them to.
One of these areas was spending time with me - he'd like more :) I found this interesting, because every other weekend, my husband works and my stepson stays with his mom, so it's just the two of us. Thus, even though we regularly have time alone at home together, perhaps it's not quality time.
We have thus started having "dates" on our weekends together, started consciously choosing activities for both of us to enjoy.
Another contributing factor is the constant change and resulting stress in our lives. The kids changed schools this past September, and thus also changed daycares. We moved last spring. I graduated university the spring prior, and began working an exceedingly stressful job. 5 people in our lives have passed away in the last 2 years.
Also, kids just live busier, more stressful lives than did kids of my generation. The shift in the sheer amount of consumable media over the last two generations alone (from my parents' childhoods in the 60's to mine in the 80's to now) is anxiety-inducing.
My son has also joined Cub Scouts, which, to me, is about developing autonomy and mastery.
Finally, we have begun working on mindfulness-based stress-reduction practices such as breathing exercises and progressive muscle relaxation.
I found a great book at the public library that includes easy exercises for kids. The techniques in the book are so familiar to me, and remind me of the way my dad taught me to meditate and practice yoga as a child.
The connection to meditation and happiness is being proven in neuroscience research. In fact, an article a friend sent me recently showed that meditation "completely changes your brain and therefore changes what you are". The research "showed excessive activity in [the]...left prefrontal cortex...likely indicating a greater capacity for happiness and decreased tendency toward negativity".
I'm also finding a benefit to teaching and modelling these mindfulness and meditation techniques. I'm a little bit calmer, a little less reactive, a little more tolerant of hijinks.
But the most wonderful benefit has been seeing my son grow into these new techniques. Days after teaching him a 3 part breathing technique (breathe in through the nose for a count from 5 to 20, hold for the same count, breathe out through the mouth for the same count), I got frustrated with both boys and walked out of the room for a mini "mom timeout" (prevents me from yelling). Son followed me, and said, excitedly, "Mom! Remember, when you get frustrated, you're supposed to do your breathing!" I thanked him and asked if he'd remembered this the last time he felt frustrated. He said no, a little sadly, so I encouraged him, telling him how his reminding ME was proving that his brain was learning to remember, and he was making great progress. He was so pleased :)
