I have an old friend who lives in Texas; her son is back to school this week. Gosh, here in BC, we still have another two full weeks of summer vacation, which includes the Labour Day long weekend. Poor kidlets.
And, of course, my boys will not be going back to school, at least not to a bricks and mortar school. We have finally been chosen by a learning consultant, so now I wonder how we arrange to meet? Will she send me an email? We shall see. Regardless, we will be picking up a bunch of fun school supplies. We will be able to get whatever the boys want, there will be no lists to check.
I remember at this time last year, I was shopping for two children for the first time in my parenting career. Not to mention, my wedding fell two weeks after school started, so I felt as though I was frantically throwing money all over the place. (I was my own private stimulus package, groan!) New coats, new backpacks, two new pairs of shoes each. Plus new pants and shirts and hoodies - I spent over $300 on them in the first week of school. I felt like a consumption machine.
This year will be such a relief from all of that! Of course, I'm moving, with all those attendant costs. However, I won't need to buy indoor shoes for school. As well, I'll be getting education money to buy books and supplies, even curriculum, if I'd like. Or, I can use it towards our internet connection, maybe even swimming lessons.
I feel so relaxed. Maybe we won't start right on Sept 7th, maybe we will have a not back to school picnic :)
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
On the importance of understanding research in context
An old friend of mine has a mommy blog. She professes to believe in 'guilt-free' parenting, which I think is amazingly healthy, as well as beyond my capabilities and my anxiety disorder :)
Recently she wrote about an article her husband showed her from the Globe and Mail, titled Coddle or let the kid cry? New research awakens the sleep-training debate. My friend's opinion is that the parenting 'experts' should leave parenting to the actual parents, and stop trying to guilt new mommies into feeling they have to be available for their babies every second of the day and night. Her concern is babies who wake up in the middle of the night but won't go to sleep without the breast, even when they aren't hungry.
While I agree with that, I also agree with the 3 'experts' written about in the Globe article. I just think the reporter takes their research and their professional opinions out of context, and presents the research data as a debate, a fight, instead of as scientific evidence carried out in a rigorous manner with the intention of furthering knowledge. The reporter actually talks about sleep deprived parents being "stuck in the middle" between the 'experts' and other equally offensive (to me) statements pitting 'experts' against 'experts' against parents.
I have recently studied research methods in the social sciences; as well, I have designed and conducted research. So I find the reporter's statements offensive because the point of social science research is NOT to be an 'expert' and tell people what to do. The point is to make sure current practices are evidence based, NOT based on ideology, or a particular sub-set of society's values (as in the tyranny of the minority).
Thus, I felt obligated to look at the actual research (I have access to several electronic databases through my university's library) to see what the researchers were actually studying. The article mentions 3 'experts.' The first is Penn State researcher Dr. Teti, the second, the famous Dr. Ferber, and the third is "British parenting guru" Penelope Leach, whose credentials as a child development psychologist the journalist recognizes only later. I have only looked up one source document to compare to the article. This is Dr. Teti and colleagues' Penn State research, titled Maternal emotional availability at bedtime predicts infant sleep quality (Teti, Kim, Mayer & Countermine, 2010).
My friend read the article and wrote about sleep-training as necessary when baby is waking up all night long, even when not hungry, and wanting the breast to soothe baby back to sleep. My friend feels waking up at 1am and 3am and 5am is bad for mommy. I agree. But I was a co-sleeper, so I didn't have to wake up to give baby the breast. He fussed, I rolled over in my half asleep, half conscious state, baby latched on, I went back to sleep. No problem. (I'm guessing my friend is not a co-sleeper.)
My friend's blog post also talks about the Globe article's mention of the detrimental effect of cortisol, a stress hormone, on baby's developing brain. She hears, "mommy should never leave baby, even if that means mommy gets postpartum depression." The Globe article concludes with parents who tried 'crying it out' but won't talk about it with their friends, for fear of criticism. I personally think all this criticism comes from popular media such as this newspaper reporter, NOT the actual 'experts.'
If you need to let your baby cry it out alone because you fear you're going to shake that baby, then I'm fairly certain the experts would say, "go for it" - this opinion is based on reading hundreds of articles by 'experts' on attachment theory and the neuroscience research that is backing up the theory (initially developed in the 40's). Much of this research shows that it's best for baby to be with mommy (or alternate primary caregivers), unless mommy is too stressed out, whether by poverty, or relationship circumstances, or what have you. Then baby is better off in daycare, or with grandma, or whatever, for part of the day, because mommy needs that time and support to be the best mommy she can be in the circumstances.
In reading the abstract and skimming the research report Dr. Teti and colleagues published, I noticed that they were concerned with chronic sleep disruption as the clinical research problem, which is associated with "daytime externalizing and internalizing behavioral problems, sleepiness and attention problems, and poor academic performance, and plays a critical role in the regulation of neurocognitive and neuroaffective systems in children and adults." So they are interested in sleep problems which are approaching the clinical level, and not just regular sleep. They are also as concerned with the risk to parents as they are to children.
Teti's study looked at previous research, which highlighted the importance of consistent bedtime routines, without actual observations of parenting in the home. The study's authors note that where research does make actual home observations, the focus was again on parenting practices. The current study felt there was a gap in the research, in that no one had looked at the emotional quality of these routines. Teti et al. though this gap is noteworthy, considering the vast literature linking parental sensitivity, etc., with socioemotional and cognitive outcomes in children.
So Teti et al weren't saying sleep training will damage the parent-child relationship (the conclusion my friend believed the 'experts' came to based on the Globe's reporting). What they were saying was the following (straight from the Discussion section of their paper):
Recently she wrote about an article her husband showed her from the Globe and Mail, titled Coddle or let the kid cry? New research awakens the sleep-training debate. My friend's opinion is that the parenting 'experts' should leave parenting to the actual parents, and stop trying to guilt new mommies into feeling they have to be available for their babies every second of the day and night. Her concern is babies who wake up in the middle of the night but won't go to sleep without the breast, even when they aren't hungry.
While I agree with that, I also agree with the 3 'experts' written about in the Globe article. I just think the reporter takes their research and their professional opinions out of context, and presents the research data as a debate, a fight, instead of as scientific evidence carried out in a rigorous manner with the intention of furthering knowledge. The reporter actually talks about sleep deprived parents being "stuck in the middle" between the 'experts' and other equally offensive (to me) statements pitting 'experts' against 'experts' against parents.
I have recently studied research methods in the social sciences; as well, I have designed and conducted research. So I find the reporter's statements offensive because the point of social science research is NOT to be an 'expert' and tell people what to do. The point is to make sure current practices are evidence based, NOT based on ideology, or a particular sub-set of society's values (as in the tyranny of the minority).
Thus, I felt obligated to look at the actual research (I have access to several electronic databases through my university's library) to see what the researchers were actually studying. The article mentions 3 'experts.' The first is Penn State researcher Dr. Teti, the second, the famous Dr. Ferber, and the third is "British parenting guru" Penelope Leach, whose credentials as a child development psychologist the journalist recognizes only later. I have only looked up one source document to compare to the article. This is Dr. Teti and colleagues' Penn State research, titled Maternal emotional availability at bedtime predicts infant sleep quality (Teti, Kim, Mayer & Countermine, 2010).
My friend read the article and wrote about sleep-training as necessary when baby is waking up all night long, even when not hungry, and wanting the breast to soothe baby back to sleep. My friend feels waking up at 1am and 3am and 5am is bad for mommy. I agree. But I was a co-sleeper, so I didn't have to wake up to give baby the breast. He fussed, I rolled over in my half asleep, half conscious state, baby latched on, I went back to sleep. No problem. (I'm guessing my friend is not a co-sleeper.)
My friend's blog post also talks about the Globe article's mention of the detrimental effect of cortisol, a stress hormone, on baby's developing brain. She hears, "mommy should never leave baby, even if that means mommy gets postpartum depression." The Globe article concludes with parents who tried 'crying it out' but won't talk about it with their friends, for fear of criticism. I personally think all this criticism comes from popular media such as this newspaper reporter, NOT the actual 'experts.'
If you need to let your baby cry it out alone because you fear you're going to shake that baby, then I'm fairly certain the experts would say, "go for it" - this opinion is based on reading hundreds of articles by 'experts' on attachment theory and the neuroscience research that is backing up the theory (initially developed in the 40's). Much of this research shows that it's best for baby to be with mommy (or alternate primary caregivers), unless mommy is too stressed out, whether by poverty, or relationship circumstances, or what have you. Then baby is better off in daycare, or with grandma, or whatever, for part of the day, because mommy needs that time and support to be the best mommy she can be in the circumstances.
In reading the abstract and skimming the research report Dr. Teti and colleagues published, I noticed that they were concerned with chronic sleep disruption as the clinical research problem, which is associated with "daytime externalizing and internalizing behavioral problems, sleepiness and attention problems, and poor academic performance, and plays a critical role in the regulation of neurocognitive and neuroaffective systems in children and adults." So they are interested in sleep problems which are approaching the clinical level, and not just regular sleep. They are also as concerned with the risk to parents as they are to children.
Teti's study looked at previous research, which highlighted the importance of consistent bedtime routines, without actual observations of parenting in the home. The study's authors note that where research does make actual home observations, the focus was again on parenting practices. The current study felt there was a gap in the research, in that no one had looked at the emotional quality of these routines. Teti et al. though this gap is noteworthy, considering the vast literature linking parental sensitivity, etc., with socioemotional and cognitive outcomes in children.
So Teti et al weren't saying sleep training will damage the parent-child relationship (the conclusion my friend believed the 'experts' came to based on the Globe's reporting). What they were saying was the following (straight from the Discussion section of their paper):
My conclusion is that I feel it's vital for the average person to have a basic understanding of research methods and the interpretation and dissemination of research findings so that the media isn't able to spin science in such a manner. Context is everything. My friend is an excellent mommy, because, regardless of her parenting practices (what she does, such as sleep-training), she is an emotionally available mommy. And THAT, my friends, is what Dr. Teti and colleagues were writing about.Results suggest that what mothers do with their infants at bedtime (e.g., whether they make use of close physical parent–infant contact, quiet bedtime activities) may be less important than the emotional quality that underlies bedtime activities in promoting quality sleep in infants. Specifically, maternal EA was inversely associated with the frequency with which mothers had to return to their infants at bedtime, the frequency of infant night waking, and mothers’ ratings of whether their infants had a sleep difficulty. By contrast, no linkages were obtained between specific bedtime practices and infant sleep disruption.
Monday, August 16, 2010
We are moving
This stresses me out, and I struggle to deal with my anxious feelings almost hourly.
We are still in the process of looking: searching through ads, trying to get a look at places on google maps, considering neighbourhoods vs. commutes, yard sizes, square footage, and monthly cost. My sister would like to move by the first of September (our current rental has both a leaky roof and foundation, neither of which the landlord deems worth fixing), but that's not set in stone: the landlord won't mind us staying until Oct 1 (it's not like she'll get another tenant, and the market hasn't quite rebounded to her benefit).
I am hoping to find a place close to our current neighbourhood, but nothing in our price range is available; it's an expensive town (think ads for 'executive' suites). I'd really like to find an older house on a larger property that is being rented out while waiting to be developed - that would fit my price range and my desire to garden and keep laying hens.
All of this is uncomfortable for me, mainly because of having to face the unknown. The fact that September is already a month of new beginnings for me and my kids makes it even more challenging. Add to that the thought of moving a 1/2 hours' drive from our current neighbourhood (45 minutes in traffic, yuck), into the heart of Surrey (not the most up-scale area), and I worry I'll be moving my kids into a crime-infested area where we're living cheek by jowl to our neighbours.
I'll certainly miss the privacy of our current yard, as well as the access to my childcare provider for the past 3 years. Not to mention my mother, who is only 5 minutes away in White Rock, and often provides free daycare.
As well, there's all that packing to contend with. We'll have to rent a truck, because we have a piano. And, of course, there are two outdoor cats to move and get acclimatized to a new neighbourhood and new neighbour cats to fight. Finally, there's our garden - how does one move a garden?! We'll be dividing, potting up, harvesting all sorts of veggies and ornamental plants, not to mention the five 7' x 7' raised beds to dismantle. We'll try to bring some of our trucked in soil as well. Sigh. This is going to be just as big a job as moving the contents of the house.
We're going to look at a place in about an hour. Hope it's not too ghetto.
We are still in the process of looking: searching through ads, trying to get a look at places on google maps, considering neighbourhoods vs. commutes, yard sizes, square footage, and monthly cost. My sister would like to move by the first of September (our current rental has both a leaky roof and foundation, neither of which the landlord deems worth fixing), but that's not set in stone: the landlord won't mind us staying until Oct 1 (it's not like she'll get another tenant, and the market hasn't quite rebounded to her benefit).
I am hoping to find a place close to our current neighbourhood, but nothing in our price range is available; it's an expensive town (think ads for 'executive' suites). I'd really like to find an older house on a larger property that is being rented out while waiting to be developed - that would fit my price range and my desire to garden and keep laying hens.
All of this is uncomfortable for me, mainly because of having to face the unknown. The fact that September is already a month of new beginnings for me and my kids makes it even more challenging. Add to that the thought of moving a 1/2 hours' drive from our current neighbourhood (45 minutes in traffic, yuck), into the heart of Surrey (not the most up-scale area), and I worry I'll be moving my kids into a crime-infested area where we're living cheek by jowl to our neighbours.
I'll certainly miss the privacy of our current yard, as well as the access to my childcare provider for the past 3 years. Not to mention my mother, who is only 5 minutes away in White Rock, and often provides free daycare.
As well, there's all that packing to contend with. We'll have to rent a truck, because we have a piano. And, of course, there are two outdoor cats to move and get acclimatized to a new neighbourhood and new neighbour cats to fight. Finally, there's our garden - how does one move a garden?! We'll be dividing, potting up, harvesting all sorts of veggies and ornamental plants, not to mention the five 7' x 7' raised beds to dismantle. We'll try to bring some of our trucked in soil as well. Sigh. This is going to be just as big a job as moving the contents of the house.
We're going to look at a place in about an hour. Hope it's not too ghetto.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
August happenings
I am finally finished my coursework for this semester - my 11th of the total 13 semesters I will take to earn my degree. I began waaay back in the fall of 2006, and I have now completed 4 years of part time schooling. Two more semesters to go, thank goodness!
I still haven't heard anything from SelfDesign, but I am looking forward to the fall, especially since all those back to school commercials don't apply to our family. Gosh, they're offensive - "It's the most wonderful time of the year!" playing in the background as dad drags a couch through Staples. Why does our culture think it's so important for parents and teens to be on opposite sides of some argument or fight?
This makes me think of a book I read recently, "Hold onto your Kids" by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate. [One of Mate's sons is a friend of mine, so I have quite the collection of his books, all free copies :)] In this book, they focus on the attachment relationship between parents and teens, but argue that it applies to all inter-generational family relationships. They talk about adults and seniors being segregated by age group as well, and argue for the resurgence of attachment communities (or villages? forget which term they chose). I agree :)
August is shaping up to be a busy month of birthday parties and bbq's. We had planned for hubby to take a week off work so we could do some family camping or something, but we may just need to use the time for all these parties! Living in the lower mainland, our community is so spread out - I'm in Surrey, my Dad and little sibs are in Mission, my hubby's sibs are all over, from Chilliwack to Surrey to Coquitlam, his friends are in Burnaby, and mine are in Surrey, Abbotsford, Maple Ridge and Port Coquitlam. They're all very close, the furthest being an hour's drive, tops, but there's just so much traffic to contend with!
Maybe we should plan a "not back to school" camping trip for the family? Except I'm going back to school :( so we'll have to plan it around my classes (not too hard, they're Tuesday evening, and Wednesday afternoon and evening, fairly compact schedule).
Let the "relaxing" begin!
I still haven't heard anything from SelfDesign, but I am looking forward to the fall, especially since all those back to school commercials don't apply to our family. Gosh, they're offensive - "It's the most wonderful time of the year!" playing in the background as dad drags a couch through Staples. Why does our culture think it's so important for parents and teens to be on opposite sides of some argument or fight?
This makes me think of a book I read recently, "Hold onto your Kids" by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate. [One of Mate's sons is a friend of mine, so I have quite the collection of his books, all free copies :)] In this book, they focus on the attachment relationship between parents and teens, but argue that it applies to all inter-generational family relationships. They talk about adults and seniors being segregated by age group as well, and argue for the resurgence of attachment communities (or villages? forget which term they chose). I agree :)
August is shaping up to be a busy month of birthday parties and bbq's. We had planned for hubby to take a week off work so we could do some family camping or something, but we may just need to use the time for all these parties! Living in the lower mainland, our community is so spread out - I'm in Surrey, my Dad and little sibs are in Mission, my hubby's sibs are all over, from Chilliwack to Surrey to Coquitlam, his friends are in Burnaby, and mine are in Surrey, Abbotsford, Maple Ridge and Port Coquitlam. They're all very close, the furthest being an hour's drive, tops, but there's just so much traffic to contend with!
Maybe we should plan a "not back to school" camping trip for the family? Except I'm going back to school :( so we'll have to plan it around my classes (not too hard, they're Tuesday evening, and Wednesday afternoon and evening, fairly compact schedule).
Let the "relaxing" begin!
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