The American president recently gave this address, which I channel-surfed past several times. However, I like the idea of the title... so, what is the state of MY union? To me, union does not represent my country - I am Canadian, and white, from a mostly Anglo ethnic background (how weird is it to consider Anglo or white an ethnicity!). Our country was a colony, then a Dominion, then finally a country. We are not the United states. To me, union is my relationship, my marriage, and, by extension, our kids.
I've only been married a short time - 4 months. However, I constantly notice shifts in myself, in my thinking and in the way I now view the world with a permanent partner. I am learning every day about letting go, about letting him lead. It is hard, I was a single parent from the moment I found out I was pregnant with my now 7 year old son. My husband and I have only been together for 2 years, and his son has only lived with us for 5 months. I am used to being the only person I have to be accountable to. Now I find myself getting annoyed when I have to explain what I'm up to, or decisions I've made. Behind my annoyance is frustration at a perceived loss of control.
I notice myself from time to time looking at my husband and marveling at the commitment we have made. I am somewhat surprised that I have committed to never be sexually with another man. I'm not frustrated by this, nor do I find myself longing for other men, or tempted to be with another man, I'm just a little suprised by the experience as the commitment settles into my being.
I am finding myself feeling more and more affectionate towards my stepson, although I am still often frustrated and annoyed at his unfamiliar and sometimes unfathomable ways of being. I am learning to understand him better, and thus I can anticipate his likes and dislikes better. Things are becoming more harmonious.
However, I am still nowhere near a place to parent him in the radical unschooling way. I'm still not ready to give of myself so unconditionally, and this is partly because his living with us was thrust upon me, and I felt I had no personal choice in the matter. I did what was best for him, I did what my husband wanted. It was a huge financial burden because his mother and stepfather are not required to pay child support, and so they don't contribute at all. It was a huge emotional burden, one that my husband's father and brothers and sisters in law clearly recognize and vocally appreciate. That recognition is important to me, but I really want it from my stepson's mother.
I still regularly give in to the desire to control the outcome with my kids. Sometimes I'm a good 5 minutes into a freak out/forcing of my will, when I wonder why it's even important. It's really all about looking good, saving face, whatever you want to call it.
I still occasionally read through the forums on RUN (radical unschoolers/unschooling network?), and I still regularly feel shamed when reading comments/replies written by Sandra Dodd. However, I'm starting to have small moments of grace, where I hear her voice as I'm sure it's intended: full of compassion. Mostly, I feel overwhelmed by the prospect of unschooling, of even taking the boys out of public school. Who would take care of them? How could I possibly afford to stay home with them? How would I manage to keep myself sane if I was always caring for them? How would I have time for me and my own interests? Would I just give up on my degree when I'm finally close to the end? How would I ever pay off my student loan debt? What about all my other debt? How would we ever manage to get by on just my husband's meager salary?
There are still too many questions, too much uncertainty, and far too many feelings of shame and control to take the boys out of public school.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
The Tyee — 'Red Tent' Campaign
'Red Tent' Campaign Planned for Homeless during Olympics
Pivot Legal wants city to let it provide 500 tents to people sleeping on Vancouver's streets.
Picture homeless people camped on downtown sidewalks. Big yawns inside bright red tents as the sun rises on another Olympics day. Early next month, Pivot Legal Society hopes to ask city council's permission to start handing out 500 collapsible shelters to Vancouver's most needy. Pivot's rights activists want to confront a city enthralled by Olympic jubilation with the reality of local poverty. And test the limits of constitutional law.
To read the rest, go here
To learn more about the Red Tent campaign, go here
Pivot's John Richardson with red tent.
To read the rest, go here
To learn more about the Red Tent campaign, go here
Saturday, January 23, 2010
on the new semester and self-care
So far the semester has been shaping up to be just as busy as I anticipated; I'm taking 12 credits, which is the equivalent of an 80% course load. Half of those credits are for my practicum, which is 3 days/wk over 15 weeks, totaling to 315 hours, all for a grade of either 'credit' or 'no credit.' I'm also taking 2 regular academic courses at the 3rd year level. Luckily, only one is super-intense, with 2 or 3 journal articles to be read for each class and 2 major papers. This is an Anti-Racist course for social work practice. My other class is Community Development. The text is an easy read, we are graded on a midterm and an exam (which may be 'take-home' which I think means a paper), as well as a group project. Normally I don't like group work, but this should be interesting - the class has been divided in two, so my group has about 14 members. Large, yes. Unwieldy? I don't know - I already know and like most of my group members, having had at least 2 classes with most of them. The School of Social Work is very small, one could even say 'tight-knit.'
Despite only having 2 'academic' courses, this semester is way busier than any other semester I've taken. I'm busy every weekday, and away from home for 7 hours a day. I'm used to having classes on 2, maybe 3 weekdays, leaving lots of time for at home study. As it currently stands, I have class Monday morning from 8:30 to 11:30, and every other Monday I have my practicum seminar from 11:30 to 2:30. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday I have my practicum from 9:30 to 4:30. Friday I have class from 11:30 to 2:30 in Abbotsford, a 45 minute drive from my home. I try to run errands or do research at school between dropping my kids off at school and going to class. Soon I will be trying to fit in some on-campus time to continue with my work-study job as a Social Work research assistant around the school's policy manual and their new master's program. As well, I'm still volunteering for the Surrey Crisis Line for 4 hours a week, but now I have no time during the week, so my shift is Sunday mornings. Saturday is my only sleep-in day, now.
This is a huge adjustment for me. I haven't been employed in the workforce since July of 2008 - a year and a half! I have been really spoiled in that. The job I was at was one I'd had for almost 4 years, and I was quite comfortable with my employers and co-workers, for the most part. Now I have to get used to a whole new set of expectations, as I'm job shadowing a professional, it's a position which requires at least a bachelor's degree. It's a high stress field characterized by burnout in a lot of instances. No one outside of the profession really understands a social worker's role and what s/he does all day long. Because the job is really about managing relationships, it is characterized by "putting out fires," which tend to disrupt the normal flow of work and any sort of routine or schedule which one may have put in place.
Also, the field of geriatrics is something I've never considered or studied in an academic way. Despite my last post, where I noted the theoretical similarities to child protection work and the related ethical dilemmas of consent and capacity, I have no experience with elder care or dementia. Both my grandfathers are still living and both my grandmothers passed quite suddenly. Both lived with arthritis for many years, but I wasn't really associated with those experiences. I don't know anything about diabetes, heart disease or any of a number of medical diagnoses that I've heard medical staff discuss using acronyms I can't catch. I don't know what any of the medications they mention are, beyond Tylenol, baby aspirin and a few narcotics for pain. I don't know anything about the various types of dementia and the stages involved. I don't know how to be with these residents, how much they can understand. It's all so new and unknown.
But I was prepared for all of this. I anticipated the busyness, the lack of professional knowledge and experience, the long days, the lack of time at home alone. Still, anticipating this, being prepared, does nothing to ease the actual transition (except for maybe relieving me of experiences of guilt, feelings of not being good enough, etc...). I'm still busy and overwhelmed and I'm spending a lot of time single-parenting. My husband needs to learn how to drive an effing car now.
So I am paying particular attention to self-care this semester. To me this is mainly time alone, with no demands and interruptions. I am an introverted person by nature, and I need at least an hour to myself every day. Mostly, this is spent reading. I read novels for pleasure and I read numerous online blogs. A lot of my time spent in blog-land is centered around self-sufficiency. Gardening, less reliance on the industrial food system, animal husbandry, cooking from scratch, even 'prepper' blogs focusing on peak-oil preparation. (What can I say? I'm crunchy granola. Why else am I in a field committed to social justice?) However, over the past 2 weeks, this hour has been pushed to 11pm to 12am. I'm not getting enough sleep. Case in point - I slept 10 hours last night, and the kids and I are still in our jammies at almost 4 in the afternoon. It's our day of 'recovery' from the week. (Lord knows the kids need it just as much as I do - they hate school!)
So I've been looking to find other ways of expressing my need for self-care. I've been developing my existing friendship networks. Of course, my family is as awesome as always, but I'm also cultivating friendships with my fellow social work students, many of whom are mothers and are older than the average college student. There have been some fun times after classes this past week. I'm also working on a regular 'date night' with the hubs, even if it's only a movie on the couch. I'm also considering how to work into my schedule more movement and exercise. Maybe a bike ride with the kids or a walk on the beach? Maybe a yoga class? I'm not sure how this will pan out, but at least I'm engaged in trying to find the time.
Despite only having 2 'academic' courses, this semester is way busier than any other semester I've taken. I'm busy every weekday, and away from home for 7 hours a day. I'm used to having classes on 2, maybe 3 weekdays, leaving lots of time for at home study. As it currently stands, I have class Monday morning from 8:30 to 11:30, and every other Monday I have my practicum seminar from 11:30 to 2:30. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday I have my practicum from 9:30 to 4:30. Friday I have class from 11:30 to 2:30 in Abbotsford, a 45 minute drive from my home. I try to run errands or do research at school between dropping my kids off at school and going to class. Soon I will be trying to fit in some on-campus time to continue with my work-study job as a Social Work research assistant around the school's policy manual and their new master's program. As well, I'm still volunteering for the Surrey Crisis Line for 4 hours a week, but now I have no time during the week, so my shift is Sunday mornings. Saturday is my only sleep-in day, now.
This is a huge adjustment for me. I haven't been employed in the workforce since July of 2008 - a year and a half! I have been really spoiled in that. The job I was at was one I'd had for almost 4 years, and I was quite comfortable with my employers and co-workers, for the most part. Now I have to get used to a whole new set of expectations, as I'm job shadowing a professional, it's a position which requires at least a bachelor's degree. It's a high stress field characterized by burnout in a lot of instances. No one outside of the profession really understands a social worker's role and what s/he does all day long. Because the job is really about managing relationships, it is characterized by "putting out fires," which tend to disrupt the normal flow of work and any sort of routine or schedule which one may have put in place.
Also, the field of geriatrics is something I've never considered or studied in an academic way. Despite my last post, where I noted the theoretical similarities to child protection work and the related ethical dilemmas of consent and capacity, I have no experience with elder care or dementia. Both my grandfathers are still living and both my grandmothers passed quite suddenly. Both lived with arthritis for many years, but I wasn't really associated with those experiences. I don't know anything about diabetes, heart disease or any of a number of medical diagnoses that I've heard medical staff discuss using acronyms I can't catch. I don't know what any of the medications they mention are, beyond Tylenol, baby aspirin and a few narcotics for pain. I don't know anything about the various types of dementia and the stages involved. I don't know how to be with these residents, how much they can understand. It's all so new and unknown.
But I was prepared for all of this. I anticipated the busyness, the lack of professional knowledge and experience, the long days, the lack of time at home alone. Still, anticipating this, being prepared, does nothing to ease the actual transition (except for maybe relieving me of experiences of guilt, feelings of not being good enough, etc...). I'm still busy and overwhelmed and I'm spending a lot of time single-parenting. My husband needs to learn how to drive an effing car now.
So I am paying particular attention to self-care this semester. To me this is mainly time alone, with no demands and interruptions. I am an introverted person by nature, and I need at least an hour to myself every day. Mostly, this is spent reading. I read novels for pleasure and I read numerous online blogs. A lot of my time spent in blog-land is centered around self-sufficiency. Gardening, less reliance on the industrial food system, animal husbandry, cooking from scratch, even 'prepper' blogs focusing on peak-oil preparation. (What can I say? I'm crunchy granola. Why else am I in a field committed to social justice?) However, over the past 2 weeks, this hour has been pushed to 11pm to 12am. I'm not getting enough sleep. Case in point - I slept 10 hours last night, and the kids and I are still in our jammies at almost 4 in the afternoon. It's our day of 'recovery' from the week. (Lord knows the kids need it just as much as I do - they hate school!)
So I've been looking to find other ways of expressing my need for self-care. I've been developing my existing friendship networks. Of course, my family is as awesome as always, but I'm also cultivating friendships with my fellow social work students, many of whom are mothers and are older than the average college student. There have been some fun times after classes this past week. I'm also working on a regular 'date night' with the hubs, even if it's only a movie on the couch. I'm also considering how to work into my schedule more movement and exercise. Maybe a bike ride with the kids or a walk on the beach? Maybe a yoga class? I'm not sure how this will pan out, but at least I'm engaged in trying to find the time.
Monday, January 18, 2010
on consent...
I've recently started a new semester at university, I am taking 2 classes and a practicum. My practicum is at Delta View Life Enrichment Centre, an extended care facility for people with dementia. I intend to do a Child Welfare specialization with my degree, qualifying me to work for the provincial Ministry of Children and Family Development as a designated child protection worker. My degree requires 2 practicums, one at the 3rd year level, and one at the 4th yr level. For me, because I've chosen the specialization, the 4th year practicum will be in an MCFD setting. Thus, I decided my 3rd year practicum would be about broadening my experience of social work as a career. However, I'm finding that there are a lot of connections between gerontological social work and child welfare social work. Both client groups experience ageism. Both groups are considered to lack capacity to consent, to be autonomous and to determine the course of their own lives. Both experience powerlessness that is institutionalized.
I'm finding that social work with patients who have dementia is filled with ethical dilemmas. And I'm finding that these ethical dilemmas center around consent. If the client/patient (this is a medicalized setting, after all, the clients are primarily cared for by nurses and care aids) refuses to take his/her medication, do we (the care team, the institution, the government who makes the legislation) have the right to force that client to take the medication that is prolonging their life? Can we lie to a patient, give them their heart pill and say it's for pain? If they need pain meds, but refuse the pills, do we have the doctor prescribe a 'patch' and put it on the client without his/her informed consent? Basically, although it'd be easier, and in the clients' best interests, we don't have the right. We don't get to say what's in their 'best interest' because that is something that can only be determined by the client, him/herself.
So, with this new flash of insight into consent, I've been reading the forums on the Radical Unschooling Network and Sandra Dodd's Unschooling site. I'm able to see all of this from a new point of view, and it's easier for me to 'get it', whereas before I struggled and I judged myself as somehow lacking as a parent and a woman because I couldn't see myself as able to 'measure up' to unschooling standards.
Of course, there's still more understanding and "aha!" moments to come before I can see myself as able to cope with the radical unschooling lifestyle 100%, but I fell that I'm taking a significant step in that direction. And for the last 4 months, I haven't seen that as being possible.
I'm finding myself engaging in ideas about consent and control in a very different way than I have in the past.
I'm finding that social work with patients who have dementia is filled with ethical dilemmas. And I'm finding that these ethical dilemmas center around consent. If the client/patient (this is a medicalized setting, after all, the clients are primarily cared for by nurses and care aids) refuses to take his/her medication, do we (the care team, the institution, the government who makes the legislation) have the right to force that client to take the medication that is prolonging their life? Can we lie to a patient, give them their heart pill and say it's for pain? If they need pain meds, but refuse the pills, do we have the doctor prescribe a 'patch' and put it on the client without his/her informed consent? Basically, although it'd be easier, and in the clients' best interests, we don't have the right. We don't get to say what's in their 'best interest' because that is something that can only be determined by the client, him/herself.
So, with this new flash of insight into consent, I've been reading the forums on the Radical Unschooling Network and Sandra Dodd's Unschooling site. I'm able to see all of this from a new point of view, and it's easier for me to 'get it', whereas before I struggled and I judged myself as somehow lacking as a parent and a woman because I couldn't see myself as able to 'measure up' to unschooling standards.
Of course, there's still more understanding and "aha!" moments to come before I can see myself as able to cope with the radical unschooling lifestyle 100%, but I fell that I'm taking a significant step in that direction. And for the last 4 months, I haven't seen that as being possible.
I'm finding myself engaging in ideas about consent and control in a very different way than I have in the past.
Friday, January 8, 2010
thoughts on the new year and on resolutions
... now that Epiphany has passed.
As previously stated, my New Years resolution is to simplify so I have more time to focus on being happy. But it's more than that, it's also about pursuing what makes me happy. I recently read Eat, Pray, Love as well as these two posts over at Unclutterer and I wanted to somehow make my resolution of happiness pursuable.
So, to that end, I've begun creating a list of goals, some SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and timely), some purposefully vague, towards me living a lifestyle that I currently think will make me happy. So far, a lot of those goals center around food sustainability. My garden. 'Local' eating. Less shopping, less relying on the industrial food machine. A lot of the blogs I've been reading over the past year relate to these goals (and I'll probably list them at the end of this post), so I'm well on my way towards achieving them, but also, in some senses, I'll never be done, there will always be something more to achieve. Regardless, I've started a new blog, over at wordpress (because I think the tab thingys at the top of the page are 'cooler' than what blogger has, silly, I know), to track my goals and my progress towards them.
However, that still leaves me with a gap between my goals and my resolution. I'm looking at simplifying my life so I have more time for the things I say make me happy. So the simplifying process is somehow all tied up with food, with feeding my family healthy, nutritious local, ethically raised and prepared food. Food is a chore to me. I don't really enjoy cooking, even though I do it all the time. I do love eating, and I do love feeding people. I especially love preparing food with a friend, then enjoying it together. I really love being appreciated for the food I put on the table, and feeding my kids just doesn't provide the kind of appreciation I'm looking for. (I think I need to look into communal living!) However, what makes me happy is a happy family. No whining kids. No husband sitting, staring at the tv (although this makes him happy, or so he says). Being active together. Beaches, bike rides.
So what I'm seeing is that, for me, happiness looks like friends, it looks like being active, it looks like a garden in summer. Happiness looks fresh and green and slightly out of breath.
It also looks like ease and support. For me, ease will be a goal around my academic pursuits - finishing assignments early, and whatever is in the way of that for me. I'm going to talk with a about my experience of anxiety with a counselor at my university. And support will look like redeveloping or rekindling my friendships with my girlfriends from my 20's, from before I had family responsibilities. Maybe girls' night out once a month? Maybe dinner with another family once a month? It's another one of those nebulous goals, I'll have to flesh it out as I go along :)
UPDATED: (blogs I've been reading over the past year that relate to my sustainability goals)
fast grow the weeds
Living the Frugal Life
Subsistence Pattern
Throwback at Trapper Creek
One Straw
Simple, Green, Frugal Co-op
Not Dabbling in Normal
Surviving the Suburbs I've just started reading this one, but so far, I'm finding it excellent :)
As previously stated, my New Years resolution is to simplify so I have more time to focus on being happy. But it's more than that, it's also about pursuing what makes me happy. I recently read Eat, Pray, Love as well as these two posts over at Unclutterer and I wanted to somehow make my resolution of happiness pursuable.
So, to that end, I've begun creating a list of goals, some SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and timely), some purposefully vague, towards me living a lifestyle that I currently think will make me happy. So far, a lot of those goals center around food sustainability. My garden. 'Local' eating. Less shopping, less relying on the industrial food machine. A lot of the blogs I've been reading over the past year relate to these goals (and I'll probably list them at the end of this post), so I'm well on my way towards achieving them, but also, in some senses, I'll never be done, there will always be something more to achieve. Regardless, I've started a new blog, over at wordpress (because I think the tab thingys at the top of the page are 'cooler' than what blogger has, silly, I know), to track my goals and my progress towards them.
However, that still leaves me with a gap between my goals and my resolution. I'm looking at simplifying my life so I have more time for the things I say make me happy. So the simplifying process is somehow all tied up with food, with feeding my family healthy, nutritious local, ethically raised and prepared food. Food is a chore to me. I don't really enjoy cooking, even though I do it all the time. I do love eating, and I do love feeding people. I especially love preparing food with a friend, then enjoying it together. I really love being appreciated for the food I put on the table, and feeding my kids just doesn't provide the kind of appreciation I'm looking for. (I think I need to look into communal living!) However, what makes me happy is a happy family. No whining kids. No husband sitting, staring at the tv (although this makes him happy, or so he says). Being active together. Beaches, bike rides.
So what I'm seeing is that, for me, happiness looks like friends, it looks like being active, it looks like a garden in summer. Happiness looks fresh and green and slightly out of breath.
It also looks like ease and support. For me, ease will be a goal around my academic pursuits - finishing assignments early, and whatever is in the way of that for me. I'm going to talk with a about my experience of anxiety with a counselor at my university. And support will look like redeveloping or rekindling my friendships with my girlfriends from my 20's, from before I had family responsibilities. Maybe girls' night out once a month? Maybe dinner with another family once a month? It's another one of those nebulous goals, I'll have to flesh it out as I go along :)
UPDATED: (blogs I've been reading over the past year that relate to my sustainability goals)
fast grow the weeds
Living the Frugal Life
Subsistence Pattern
Throwback at Trapper Creek
One Straw
Simple, Green, Frugal Co-op
Not Dabbling in Normal
Surviving the Suburbs I've just started reading this one, but so far, I'm finding it excellent :)
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