I am sitting in my children's closet as I type this, because we are down to one fully functioning computer in this house, and they have taken it over :)
Today is a rainy fall day, and I feel sad.
I lost a close colleague to a sudden stroke almost exactly a year ago, and I know that is part of why I feel sad. In the last almost 3 years, I have lost many significant people in my life, including 3 deaths in 3 months at the beginning of 2011. So there is an accumulation of sadness from that, as well. However, I know this sadness is more than that. I am sad about the way women are still treated in our society, in general, and in specific, I am sad about the deaths of several teenage girls that could have been preventable.
I am talking about Amanda Todd, Retaeh Parsons, and now Adriana Falcon.
When you read about these three girls who have died in the last 12 months in Canada, you read about different concerns. For Amanda, it is cyber-bullying. For Retaeh, it is mental health treatment and suicide. For Adriana, it is substance misuse and mandated treatment. But at the core of all three stories is the sexualization and sexual assault of girls. Retaeh and Adriana were raped. Amanda was sexually exploited. Adriana and Amanda were 13 at the time of these assaults.
Shortly after Amanda's death, I saw a CBC documentary, Sext up KIDS, which explores how growing up in a hyper-sexualized culture hurts our kids. Kids have to navigate puberty in a world where the line between pop culture and porn culture is increasingly blurred. Think about Miley Cyrus and the VMA's. How are kids supposed to cope with this pressure?
The answer is that some of them aren't coping. Amanda and Retaeh's deaths were deemed suicides. Adriana's was deemed a drug overdose, but... wouldn't heroin use at such a young age be indicative of not wanting to cope with reality? is suicide not an escape from reality?
As a mother, I am horrified for the parents of these three girls, that they weren't able to intervene, that our society wasn't able to support these families and these girls, such that they were able to heal and go forward to live full, healthy productive lives.
As a Social Worker, a professional committed to social justice, especially for marginalized groups of people and for people who aren't cognitively or emotionally capable of informed consent, I am frustrated with our governments' lack of commitment to social spending over the last 30 years, since Reaganism and Thacherism.
As a feminist, I am so sick and tired of STILL having to protest this shit. Women's bodies are STILL not autonomous, and privileged males seem to still think they have a right to them. I'm thinking now of a fantastic article about rape chants at universities and the Person's Case (where, in 1929, women in Canada were finally recognized as people before the law).
As a Child Protection worker for the BC Public Service, I am frustrated that I can't give these families access to more and more resources, such that Amanda and Adriana, both BC girls, could have accessed the help they so desperately needed.
As the mother of two young boys, I feel it is my responsibility to ensure my sons grow up to be respectful of the rights of all marginalized groups, to understand their privilege in this world as white men, to call out oppressive comments when they hear them. This great article, An Open Letter to Bros, sums it up nicely.
In writing about this larger issue I start to feel a shift, from sadness to anger. Sometimes, this is a good thing for people, because it spurs them to action. Sometimes, anger slips into frustration and inaction. Today, I am choosing to sit with my sadness, to keep my heart open and vulnerable, because today is not a day for action.
Namaste.
P.S.: I urge anyone with a vested interest in youth mental health services in BC to check out this April 2013 report by the Representative for Children and Youth's office: Still Waiting. The following is a brief excerpt from the press release:
"Youth struggling with mental health problems and the people who care for them told us loud and clear that finding help can be a confusing and traumatic experience that often ends in a revolving door through the hospital Emergency Room," said Representative Mary Ellen Turpel-Lafond. "Doctors and other professionals who participated in this review depicted an inefficient system marked by silos and a lack of communication and co-ordination.
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