thinking more and more about unschooling...

Can I be a radical unschooler if my kids go to public school? I know I'm certainly giving it a try.

I do my best to allow them unlimited access to video games, although I have been known to make them go outside after 6 hours of uninterrupted DS time (and a few tears because SOMEONE was too busy playing to notice he'd been up for 6 hours without eating! Bad mom, I MADE him eat - he devoured his pb&j sammy)

I've been trying out the "strewing" concept - I took out a bunch of cool-looking books from the public library, books they could've cared less about while we were there, but which they've been loving at home. They took out Pokemon books, I took out an atlas and some joke books and a book about the history of hockey (to read with dad) and Farmer Boy. They love the joke books. One out of 4 ain't bad, eh?

I'm practicing saying yes. I'm practicing letting them do things I REALLY want to say no to. It's hard. The other night, my step-son wanted to sleep without his shirt on, and I made him wear it. Our house is old and poorly insulated, therefore cold at night. Step-son tosses about quite a bit in his sleep, usually kicking the blankets to the floor. He had a cold - sore throat and sneezes, so I explained that I worried he would be very cold in the middle of the night, which might make his cold harder to get over. This is a great example of the dictatorial, coercive style I'm trying to learn to let go of. It's hard.

I so want to keep my boy out of school with me. I could do it, this semester. But, come January, I will be doing a social work practicum - 3 days a week, plus one day on campus, maybe two, depending on the scheduling of the other courses I need to take. Out of pocket child care expenses for that are prohibitive - we are broke, heavily in debt, and we can't subsist on my husband's income now, let alone paying 5 times as much for daycare.

Add to this, I don't really want to keep step-son at home. He exhausts me, and I just don't love him as much as I love my boy. And I'm coming to terms with that. He's lived with us for 2 months. My boy has lived with me for 7 years. I'm realizing that it's normal, and it's okay for me to love my boy more, just as it's normal and ok that my husband loves his son more than mine.

But still, I'm frustrated, and I wish it was a perfect world, where I had the financial support I need to eschew this whole public school thing.